That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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