I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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