last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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