Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
