He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
