Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She announced her abortion via fbk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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