hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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