I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
