I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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