I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
