Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
