Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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