Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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