FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
