Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
