There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
