so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
