If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
