Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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