Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
