We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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