Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
