I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
