you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
