Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
