Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
