I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
