I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
