margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
