Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
