DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
