She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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