Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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