i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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