Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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