Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorry my hands just texted you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
