Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
