im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
