whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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