loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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