I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
