headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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