I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
