So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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