We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
