That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i came on her dog
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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