I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
