I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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