Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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