took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
