Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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