He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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