I think I won the penis lottery.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
