the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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