thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
