So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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