can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
