oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
