i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
