He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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