my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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