I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
