Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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