Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
