Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
