plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
