I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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