This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the condom got lost in my hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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