It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
