I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
