he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so let's talk penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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