I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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