Yo dont text me then not text me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
